Being Carried

It's unusual for grown-ups to need carrying. Carrying is for infants, toddlers, and brides across thresholds. Sometimes it's hard to be a grown-up because, I think, secretly we all wish someone would just pick us up and carry us from time to time. I know I do... and now my secret's blown.

As we progress through this adoption journey I have mentioned in previous blogs that we have seen these little "signs" or "obvious" (to us) affirmations that God is with us and leading us along this path. I don't really like to use the word "signs" as if it's some kind of mystical, twilight zone moment where I hear the voice of God speak aloud to me...because that's not really how it is.

In college I played the part of Gretel in "Hansel and Gretel". I'll never forget that time in my life and how much fun that part was to play. If you're familiar with the story, it's about siblings who cleverly leave pebbles (after the birds eat their crumbs) on their path when they wander into the woods so that they can find their way home. The full story can be found here:   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hansel_and_Gretel

The affirmations we encounter about Grace over and over again are like those pebbles. There are obvious and unmistakable fingerprints of God all over our journey. We have asked God for them and He has provided. Sometimes, in ways only we would understand. There have been times where we need affirmation that we are following the right path - His path.

Besides things that relate to "Grace" - a constant theme woven through these past weeks is "I will carry you".  It has come through songs on the radio, bible studies I attend, books I encounter "accidentally", sermons, and most recently, talks at retreats..."Even to your old age and grey hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4. We are being challenged and stretched to believe that God not just walking with us or leading us - but that He is carrying us.

We have had some big decisions to make as a family and as a couple. We have asked for prayer from people close to us, our church body, and most recently the prayer team at a women's retreat I attended over the weekend. Last Friday on a prayer request card, I wrote and asked for prayer that we would believe God to provide for us. Some things on our discussion roster are pretty big issues like "should we put our house up for sale? Should we stay here until after Grace is home with us? Should we take out a sizable loan and add on to our home?". We recently wrestled with whether or not to proceed with replacing all of the carpeting on our second floor - all the bedrooms, hallway, and stairs. It's a big job, it's an expense we don't really have room for in our budget - but we had someone come and give us a quote because we saw an ad for 0% financing for one year. The quote was much less than we expected, and we know that fresh carpet will help our house to sell. On the other hand, if we do stay - we will enjoy it and it will help our daughter with allergies to be a little healthier. Our current carpet is downright nasty, and in some spots it's warn through to the pad.

Over the weekend Robert and I texted or talked about what to do because, of course, this was a limited time offer. I shared with him that I again had noticed the unrelenting theme of "I will carry you" while at the retreat. "I really believe we need to trust God to provide. This is something we need to do to in order to sell our house and it's a great deal", I told him. He agreed but was concerned about the $500 cash required for the down payment. I said that I believed it would work out - I could try to get more teaching jobs this month, be extra careful about unnecessary spending...etc. He got off the phone, prayed about it some more, and made the call to the carpet store letting them know we would commit to that offer.

Later that evening I called Robert to say goodnight (I was still away at the retreat). He said, "I think we made the right decision on the carpet." I was relieved to hear him say that! He went on, "After I called the carpet guy to tell him we were going to accept that offer, I went out to get the mail. There was a check for $500 that I wasn't expecting from a retirement dispersement. And I got the guy to agree to two years 0% financing!" Tears began to flow and the promise of Isaiah 46:4 came to mind again "I will carry you".

I wrestled with whether or not to blog about this story because some of our readers are shaking their heads. Some are clinging to their belief that these things are mere coincidences, random things coming together perfectly with no explanation required, God could not possibly be concerned about our carpet needs - that is much too trivial. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and so am I.

To the readers who "get" what I'm saying, to the readers who are considering adoption but are intimidated by the financial mountain in your path, to the readers who are struggling to believe that God provides -
He will carry you.

Here is a song that has become a precious reminder to me. You can listen to it here, and the lyrics are printed below.

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child

If I can walk on water
And calm a restless sea
I've done a thousand things you've never done
And I'm weary watchin'
While you struggle on your own
Call my name, I'll come

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child

I give vision to the blind
And I can raise the dead
I've seen the darker side of Hell
And I returned
And I see these sleepless nights
And I count every tear you cry
I know some lessons hurt to learn

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child
Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child, my child

I see these sleepless nights
And I count every tear you cry
And call my name, I'll come runnin'

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child