Whatever?

12 days into 2013. When I have had to write "2013" or absorb that it is 2013 - a chill runs down my spine. A year go when we began our relationship with "All God's Children International" I remember thinking that we would be bringing Grace home in 2013 - and here it is. Wow, what went "fast".

Since I last posted, we have been in a holding pattern. This is that stage of adoption. Again.

It kinda goes like this:

Apply
Paperwork overload
Fee
Contract Date
Paperwork overload again + documentation of life story
Fee
Education
Paperwork Notarizing & Mailing
Social Worker visits
Fee
Doctor Visits, Psych evaluation
Home Study
More Education
Immigration application (Fee)
Dossier completion
Fee
WAIT
Log in Date (LID)
Referral!!
Paperwork completing, pushing, notarizing
Fee
WAIT
Pre-Approval! (PA)
*WAIT* (2-3 months)
Letter seeking confirmation (LOC)
I-800 Application
WAIT (2-3) months
Travel Approval (TA)
FEE
(3-4 weeks)
TRAVEL and hold our Grace. FINALLY

Where I put the (*) is where we are. See that light ahead? Thats the ever so faint light at the end of the tunnel. Hallelujah!

If you struggle with patience or have control issues this will either send you straight to the funny farm or help you get a grip on those issues. At this moment, there isn't a thing in the world we can do to make this go any faster or slower. In some ways it brings me peace, and I rest in that "helplessness". Other days, it has every potential to make me go a little crazy because I would do just about anything to make it go faster.

In these days of waiting. God holds us. He is there with Grace while we are here praying for her and for the people caring for her. He is with the children who still wait for a forever family. He knows who they need and is working all things together for good to bring them together at just the right time.

I encountered a song this week that brought me to tears and to my knees. I wanted to share it for a few days but it's one of those scary things to say out loud, know what I mean? For example, "Gee, it's been a long time since I've been sick!" or  "We haven't had to take the car into the shop in ages!". I'm not superstitious...but...

It might seem to some that we always have it all together over here. We always trust God. We go about our every moment just resting in the blessed assurance that Jesus loves us and all things work together for good so we need not fret. We have those moments, Glory to God. We also have the moments where tears and fears take over and our mind, in order to balance or counteract our hope - we easily go to places of despair.

What if she doesn't get her surgery in time.
What if the latest "bug" in the foster home is more than she can fight off.
What if she has her surgery and there are complications that she can't handle.
What if we hold her in our hearts, only to never hold her in our arms.
What if we bring her home and she has the surgery here and it isn't successful. 

I believe God meets us where we are and He is sensitive to our needs and our emotional battles and the battles in our mind. When I heard these words I knew they were words that I needed not just to hear - but to say out loud and to mean and to hold on to...

"Sovereign in the mountain air, sovereign in the ocean floor. With me in the calm, with me in the storm
Sovereign in my greatest joy, sovereign in my deepest cry. With me in the dark, with me at the dawn.

In your everlasting arms all the pieces of my life from beginning to the end, I can trust you.
In your never failing love you work everything for good.
God whatever comes my way I will trust you.

All my hopes all I need - held in Your hands.
All my life, all of me - held in Your hands.
All my fears, all my dreams - held in Your hands."

We either believe God or we don't.
He doesn't hold part of our hopes and needs, He holds ALL.
He dosent hold parts of our lives, He holds ALL.
He doesn't choose which fears and dreams to hold - He holds them ALL.
He doesn't hold us sometimes - He holds us ALWAYS.