Thirteen

My one and only son just turned thirteen. 13. He's a legit teenager.

Blah.

Until 3 1/2 months ago he was the "baby".

For several years I went through seasons of regret over not having a third or fourth child because he would never know how it felt to be a big brother. I would watch him with other younger-than-him children and think - boy, you would have been a great big brother.

He is a first responder (when he's not wearing ear buds). He is there in a hurry when he thinks someone might be hurt. He is first on the scene if I scream about something (a bug, a dropped glass, etc). He was the first in the room while I was having a pretty scary reaction in China. Of course he was.

He was the one, who when we first talked seriously to our two kids about adopting a child, said:
"I like our family the way it is."
He's also the one who agreed to pray about it, ask God what He would have for our family and ask Him to change all of our hearts to be open to adoption if that was best for us.

And He did pray.

It didn't take long for Him to begin asking questions like:
"What if its an 8 year old with anger issues? Couldn't we just ask for a baby?"

Little by little his once closed-to-adoption-heart began to open bit by bit. I'm so thankful I got to watch that process unfold in him. It was and is still so precious to me.

It didn't take long for him, on his own - to pray for a sister he didn't know, didn't have a picture of, and had never met. He would just pray that whoever Grace is would be safe until we could bring her home.

Thirteen years and nine months ago I watched in shock as a stick from Walgreens told me I was pregnant. I already had a 10 month old baby and loved her so much that I couldn't imagine loving a new baby as much. He surprised me that day, surprised me with how I overflow with love for him as I do for his sisters, and he has surprised me many times since. In fact, it is one of his daily goals to hide behind something and scare me half to death. His success rate is high. Really high.

I expected a boy to not be snuggly. He is. He still is. He snuggles his tiny sister more than me these days, but he is still snuggly.

I expected a boy to be more wild than compassionate. He is both.

I expected that he would be a great big brother to Grace. I grossly underestimated that...

He is phenomenal with her. 

He asks her a thousand times a day for kisses, delights in making her giggle by sneaking up on her, carries her to safety from the dog she fears, and was an expert at calming her when she used to turn a scary color. Sometimes I just watch as his man-child frame carries her securely, and confidently because his little boy frame is long gone.

He is curious about her and always wants to entertain her.

He is fiercely protective of her. I think she surprised him as much as he surprises me with how fast and how deeply he loves his little sister. 

Happy Birthday to my not-so-little boy. You've gone from Buzz Lightyear to Dash to Zelda and soon to middle school. You've grown from little brother to big brother and we now see eye-to-eye, but in only a short time I will be looking up to you.

You are loved more than you could possibly imagine.