{THREE}

(this post was started the day we celebrate her birthday and here we are 10 days later. Whatevs.)

Little G turned three.

And she gets what a big deal that is. We have primed and prepared her for this day and these days of celebration and she knew full well that her birthday was all about her.

And so it should be.

There are many things to celebrate about turning three. For one, she is no longer Two. Hallelujah!! There are some ages I'm sad to see go. Age two is not one of them. Ahem. I know some of you argue that three is just as rough as two if not more so. I'm holding out hope that it isn't the case with Miss Grace. Bring on increasing communication, underpants, and all the things of being three.

One of the things that hit me about this birthday is the shift in balance of time with Grace vs. Time without her. We have now celebrated more birthdays with her than we did without her. Soon, she will have spent more time with us in a family, then she spent as an orphan. I don't know about you, but that makes my insides sparkle.

When October is near my thoughts turn to Grace's birthparents because I'm confident they remember her. I'm confident that as they celebrate moon festival in China, her birth mother is remembering pregnancy, and labor, and pain, and worry, and fear, and loss, profound loss. I'm confident she is remembering a beautiful wide-eyed baby girl who made scary noises when the breathed, and while she took a bottle or nursed. I'm confident she remembers the terror of realizing her baby was not well and that something was very wrong with her. I wonder if she even knew that she had a heart defect because her tracheoesophageal fistula was an imminent problem that needed to be solved. I wonder if the idea that they would not have the means to provide that surgery motivated them to desperate measures. I wonder if, like so many, they were pressured to leave her or kill her, because they could have only one child - and she was obviously not well.  I believe that after trying for a week - her birth mom or dad wept as they bundled up their daughter and hurried out to place her somewhere that she would be noticed so that she would get help quickly. I wonder if their own heart was racing as they risked their  freedom to put Grace in a very public but safe place. 

This is where Grace was found.

I wonder if she stayed, hidden in the shadows until someone found her. I wonder so many things. What we know is that they say Grace was a week old when she was found, and she was found on October 9th which is why we celebrate her birthday on October 2. We know that Grace was very sick with pneumonia - probably because what she did drink went down her esophagus and into her trachea while they were connected. It was that trip to the hospital after she was found where she would be diagnosed with Tetralogy of Fallot, and then spent several weeks there recovering from her first surgery to repair her fistula. 

Thoughts of her birthparents hover over me as we celebrate milestones with Grace. Her birthmother specifically is never far from my thoughts. I wonder if she has the same unique dimples Grace has 

I wonder if she can raise one eyebrow like Grace can. I'm guessing she has some heritage with the Chinese acrobats or the circus or a comedy group and I'm guessing that she heard dance music while in utero. At three years old she is quite the little firecracker and every day is an adventure with Grace.

So to Grace's birthparents - wherever you are - know that you were right. You were right to give her a chance and you were brave, so very brave, to do what you did. You risked so much to bring our sweet girl - {yours and ours} - a life that has touched so many already in only three teeny, tiny, action packed years. You are honored and remembered and part of our extended family and I pray that God gives you peace in knowing that the baby you loved enough to let go, is alive and so loved and thriving.

And to sweet Grace, because someday I will force you to read this blog from beginning to end - (and if I don't there are hundreds of people who will have my back on this) I'm so grateful that you were born and while I can't say that I'm glad for the circumstances in which you were born - I'm so thankful that God used adoption to bring us together. From that day in October of 2011 when we said "I will to adoption" (the month you were born) until now my soul knew that I would meet my match in you, sweet girl. Your spunk, your determination, your fighting spirit, you sweetness, your laughter, your right hook, and those precious dimples...all of it has changed everything in my world and because you are mine I'm changed for the better. I also have far more gray hair, and wrinkles but you are worth even that. God has used you - my tiny Asian peanut, to teach me so much about who He is and how He loves us and what it really means to be adopted and grafted in to His family - as you are to ours. It is seamless, really how you fit with us. There isn't a doubt in my mind that when God lit a fire in our soul to come for you, literally a week after you were found, He meant for us to find one another and worked all things for good until we did. He will continue to make all things new in you and heal what is broken; both the things we can see and the things we can't because truly nothing is impossible with Him. Always remember that we would cross the earth over and over again for you - you are so worth it all.