Ignorance

We've been educated and counseled to expect double takes, questions, stares and puzzled looks about the "conspicuous family" we now have. We actually had to take a class called "conspicuous families" about preparing ourselves for comments and questions from others about our now "ethnically diverse family". I remember thinking then, that it would be ever present in my mind, but in the almost 12 months that Grace has been our daughter I haven't really thought of it once...

Until we went on vacation. 

A few comments and questions and double takes later and it all came flooding back. One of these peeps is not like the others. I suppose she does stand out for several reasons:

• Obviously she's ridiculously cute. 
• Clearly the four original Sprengels are all about the same size...and then there's Grace.
• Obviously we could not be any whiter and she has a built in warmth to her skin, vacation or not. 
• Obviously she doesn't have my eyes, nose, or mouth. 

"Is she really your daughter?"

Yes. 

"What about her? (Maddie) is she your daughter too?"

"Yes. Grace is 100% Chinese and 100% my daughter. Maddie is 100% American and 100% my daughter." ~ Robert. 

"She's beautiful. Is she yours?"

"Yes she is most definitely mine."

"Got her the easy way, hey? (Chuckles)"

"(*grits teeth) Hahaha - truly I worked harder for this child than either of the children I gave birth to. Trust me, she's worth it!" ~ Me 

I had prepared for these types of situations but really didn't see them coming in the moment, and I found myself immeditaly grateful that Grace is too little to internalize them. I was especially grateful she didn't catch this next comment over the microphone at the hotel pool during a game lead by the college aged resort entertainment group: 

"Mitch, you're like the adopted kid that no one really loves!"

(*sharp inhale, eyes close...)

Seriously. 

Ignorance is rampant. These are small isolated incidences and while the last one sent me seething and simultaneously panning the group of children in the pool to see if any child's head popped up heartbroken at that comment, all I could do is pray:

"Jesus forgive them. They don't know what there words could do". 

And they won't know unless someone tells them. There are reportedly 153 million orphans in the world. China alone reports a three-quarters of a million, and it's probably oh the low side of accurate.
153,000,000 orphans. 

There are hundreds of thousands of adoptees all over the world. Each dealing in their own way, some out loud and obvious - other silently - with how they came to be adopted, what they have endured that no one should ever endure, and how they belong in their adopted family. Each one likely battles insecurity, each desperate to belong, each having already experienced loss that few can understand or comprehend; and each with the potential to overcome and thrive under healthy supportive conditions. Adoption is not a new concept. It's centuries old and yet despite all of the hundreds of charades and walks and fundraisers and ribbons for raising awareness for every.blessed.thing from plants and animals, to pollution and birth defects, and disabilities to diseases - people still perpetuate the idea that adopted kids aren't really loved, and if they are loved - they certainly aren't loved as much. It's a disadvantage. It's odd. It's different. It's complicated.

People adopt animals and spend thousands on their care and repair, and yet those same loving souls can't imagine why we would cross the globe for a critically ill child and spend thousands to bring her home and then provide the surgery to heal her. Seriously? I cannot identify with people who love animals or the earth more than they seem to love people. It.does.not.compute. How about both? Does it make sense to concentrate a majority of one's resources to care for the earth - except for the people who inhabit the earth? How can we promote care for the earth and advocate for living things but then look the other way and ignore a human life hanging in the balance. Doesn't human life matter more? Doesn't human life at least matter as much?

Doesn't it matter as much to spread the truth that adoptees are so loved? Doesn't it make sense to spend at least as much energy and time and money to care for humans as we do for animals, wild or domestic? 

I think it should. I think it always should. I respect people who advocate for a cause that they are passionate about. I really do. I am one of them, so do me a favor and spread the word:

Adopted people aren't mistakes, unloved, unplanned or unwanted. Their life, just like every life, has a purpose. They are fiercely loved, sought after and desperately wanted. Their life may not have been planned by their birthparents - but it was certainly planned by our creator.

Adopted people are 100% a son or a daughter. Sharing DNA does not a family make.

Adoptive parents literally battle governments - both foreign and domestic, sacrifice unimaginable amounts of time, privacy, thousands of dollars, and sometimes years of their lives working to bring a child they have never met and do not know into their families, and into their homes, and into their hearts. Many of these children have complicated health challenges and their adoptive parents want them anyway. They love them anyway.

Adoption is never, ever the easy route to parenting, but it is an extraordinarily beautiful route to parenting.

Adoptive parents are some of the bravest, most sacrificial, and most loving people I have ever known. It takes a special type of brave to adopt a terminally ill child and yet I personally know several families who've done just that because they want to give that child a chance to live life as a son or a daughter - however long that life might be. For some, it was only a few days, for others a few years. Still others count every day a gift and live in the reality that truly no one is promised tomorrow.

I hope that if you are reading this, you will remember it the next time you hear a myth of ignorance about adoption or orphans or foster care. I hope you will find the words to correct the wrong message, and promote the truth. I hope awareness will help to eliminate the affects of ignorance. I pray that God gives all adoptive families the wisdom and the words to bring security and the assurance that adopted children are so loved. If anyone can bring security to former orphans, I know God can and trust He will.

I'm certain it's very close to His heart.