Missing Mother's Day

This Mother's day feels different.

It's kinda funny because I "missed" my first Mother's Day. I had a feeling I was pregnant with our first child on Mother's day of 1998 but  I waited to take a test until a few days later. I was a mother already, after all, even if the only one who knew was God.

I've celebrated 13 Mother's days since that one. I can't imagine celebrating "Mother's Day" without my  children. I know that someday I may not have that choice - they could be away at school, in a different state or country with their family... I should stop here because if I keep going down that road I won't be able to see my screen...for it will become...blurry.

This will be the last Mother's day where I will have two children. Even if Grace isn't home with us next year at this time - we will know who she is and we will be getting ready to bring her home...

I've been thinking about our children lately...the ones we know and the one(s) we don't. Marveling at how fast the time has gone since that first "missed" Mother's Day...noticing how that little one is now a young woman. Sometimes it takes me a minute to pick her out in a crowd because my heart still sees her as a little one. Our son is almost as tall as I am, has the biggest feet in the house, but still wants to snuggle at bedtime  - time keeps marching on...I'm soaking up as much as I can, but...

I miss those little ones.

And, Miss Grace on the other side of the world... I wonder about her. A lot. I assume that she has been born. I wonder what that moment was like and how her Mother felt...how she feels. I wonder what it felt like to leave her and hope for a forever Mother for her. I wonder if they celebrate Mother's Day. I wonder if it's excruciating for her and so many other Mothers who have children all over the world growing up without them. I'm sure they aren't forgotten. I'm sure they are missed.

This Mother's Day feels different. I feel more grateful that I can be with the children I know and love. I feel privileged to have always celebrated with our children and excited for a new little one to love. I pray that she is feeling loved by her caregivers and that God is preparing her heart for some serious, crazy kind of love from this Momma.

I feel like praying for the Mothers in China and all over the world who are missing Mother's Day. Only God can hold and heal hearts broken over children who are missing from their lives, but not their memory.

I hope you will pray for them too.